Envelopes

It was dark, save for the dim yellow bulb casting shadows. The blue sky outside was meaningless; to him, there was only darkness, heavy drapes drawn tightly. He fought tears as he cradled the crumpled stack of envelopes. Each, scrawled "return to sender" over the front. He rocked to and fro, sobbing. Each envelope, a memory. The first drink. The first kiss. Time together, as they traveled across the continent. A chance meeting on the train, he, a divorcee, she, on the rebound. And the romance of a cross country rail tour sparking their passion. Three months on, he'd written to her frequently, thinking her silence was just the the distance they covered across the oceans. Now, in his arms, stacks of unopened letters, shattered dreams. He was bitter for it, yet he couldn't have known. As a train ride started everything, a bus crash on the way back just ended it.

Bus Stop 13

The bright, early morning calm was shattered by the blast of an air horn, a screech of tires and a screeching of birds shaken awoken in a flutter of wings. The bus lurched forwards and back again as the air brakes released and the door slid open as shocked passengers rushed out. They gathered in stunned silence; mouth agape, hands over mouth as the body lay in front of the bus. Almost as suddenly the crowd shook itself into a frenzy as the scene in front  of them became clear.
He cursed under his breath. He was late, and standing in front of the mirror adjusting his tie, he noticed a sliver of red on his collar. He'd cut himself shaving, and having to look for a fresh shirt when he was late for a meeting was just what he needed. He tore off his shirt, grabbed a fresh one from his cupboard, dressed and ran out letting another expletive as his coffee very nearly tipped over towards him. It was just the morning he needed.
She was already hurrying to work, jacket over the arm holding the morning's brew from the corner coffee and bagels. Sunshades covered her eyes, swollen from a night's worth of crying, and a night's lack of sleep. She could only just swear as she tried to gather her wits around her, handbag swinging off a shoulder as she struggled to hang on to her files, jacket and coffee. She hardly noticed the kind old man who'd always start her day with a friendly hello and warm smile. It was just the morning she needed.
He felt a sense of remorse as he hurried, events of the previous night playing on his mind. the frustration of not being able to be with her, the wait. the anger, and the sarcasm. A quiet evening together ended with an argument and he'd turn on his heel and left her. In a fit of anger he'd switched off his phone, and now as it relentlessly beeped with all the messages and missed calls from her, he began to regret it. And as he crossed the street, he hardly noticed his bus coming around the corner a block away.
She left the place in tears, unable to hold back anymore. Too many people had a piece of her time, and it had been difficult, impossible even to see him like before. She had looked forward to the quiet time together, but got held back and before she could even apologize, he'd stormed off. As she fought a tear in the corner of her eye, she hardly noticed her bus coming down the street.
He texted a smiley, something he used to do when he missed her. He paused and added "I love you. m sorry c u on the bus" . He hit "Send" and stepped off the kerb to cross the street to Bus Stop 13. A blast of the air horn. A screeching of brakes. Pigeons fluttering away.
She cursed as her phone bleeped. She stopped and scrambled around for her phone. She stepped of the kerb towards Bus Stop 13 as she squinted to read the message. A blast of the air horn. A screeching of brakes. The coffee cup fell to the ground exploding its contents over the street as its cover detached.
It didn't take long for the crowd to grow. Muttering, shaking heads. Sirens.
She fell to the ground as she recognized the sprawled body..

Losing Grip

He stared at his mobile phone  near the edge of the table, willing it to bleep.  He longed for the days when it bleeped whenever  he expected it to;  almost telephatically, he would take out his phone from his pocket  and find a just-delivered message.  Some days he would wonder if she were thinking of him; and a message arrives. He'd send her a message and almost always, she'd reply with a "I was just thinking of you!". This time, though, it was silent.
He knew that things were changing in her life - trying hard to gaining control of her own life, making things work - and he wasn't part of it and he felt left out. He very much wanted the best for her, and he really wanted her to be happy; but deep down inside, he longed for the part of her that meant so much to him.
He took his phone in his hand and thumbed thru the old messages. There weren' t that many of late. True, whenever they met, he still saw her eyes light up, her face flashing the smile. She would still look at him playfully and mouth "I love you" at him. She rarely, though, spent late evenings at work, and even rarer still, spend her time in his room with his company.
Like she used to. He  felt a tinge of emptiness inside him.
Absentmindedly, he stroked her wallpaper picture on his mobile phone. They didn't spend much time together at work, and they hardly thought of each other after work. And he realised that they had begun to spend time at their regular watering hole even less.
He felt the angst build up in his chest. A yawning, gaping crevice, filled with love, drying up and unreplaced. Things were changing.

The rush

He grimaced as he heard the voice on the telephone. "Please..? Can you come now?..I.. Need you .. here"
The voice, getting smaller as the words were mentioned, quavered, on the verge of breaking into tears. He felt the conflict build inside him.
"I'm still a bit of a way away", he said, biting his lip. "maybe twenty minutes."
"please.. hurry".. the voice began to break..
He'd been spending his time with her since her breakdown, coaxing, caring, bringing her to her feet. Juggling this double life has begun to take its toll on him. She'd grown more and more reliant on him, and his double life had begun to clash.
He sighed as he turned the corner and thundered the car down the road, eating up the miles effortlessly. He glanced at the car in his mirror as he approached a turn, only to find himself hurtling into a mass of nearly stationary cars. He slammed on the brakes, pressing harder against the throbbing anti locks and heaving the steering wheel to one side giving the car additional stopping distance. He heaved a sigh of relief, only find his head snapping back as the car behind him, unable to stop in time, rammed head on into the rear of his car.
He  saw the front of his car crumple in slow motion as he watched, eerily detached from the carnage, the front ram into the mass of the metal, folding up and the windshield developing a spider web of cracks. Then darkness followed...

The window

She stared at the ground below her. Momentarily, she felt amazed at how much smaller things looked, even though it was just the window of the fifth floor. A soft breeze on her skin made her skin taut, the nervousness giving her a chill.
She became aware of her heart pounding as her eyes focused on an imaginary point on the sidewalk. That point, she thought would be where she would touch the ground first. She imagined herself in slow motion, rushing down to that point, feeling the air against her skin,her senses awry trying to fight the feeling of weightlessness. She'd hit the ground almost flat, her skull crunching against that point. She'd feel a sharp pain momentarily before she would pass out, a flash of light in her eyes, before eternal darkness.
Would her life flash before her eyes? She wondered. If it did, would she regret stepping off the window? She closed her eyes,and felt the metal window frame against her skin. Her senses, fully charged up at the tension, were extra sensitive. The warm air around her felt chilled against her skin. Her ears picked up voices of people going about their daily lives across the street and she smelt the wafting scent of a nearby barbecue.
Her mind flashed back to a fancy restaurant. Grilled lamb rack. Taken aback at the size.Someone getting angry for ordering that. Getting up in a huff, dragged by the hand.Yelled at all the way to the car. Screaming, yelling.The back of the hand..
Tears began to well in her as she recollected this. The lonely crying in the bathroom.The sad look on his face as he came to. The apologies, regrets, all lies until the next flare up.
She opened her eyes again, and watched as a tear rolled off her nose and down to the sidewalk.
Follow that,.. she said.She imagined her tear hitting the sidewalk and smashing into smithereens, not a trace, nothing left. Just like her feelings for him. Nothing left. No more apologies, no more regrets.
She took a deep breath. Its time. But her mind was not done replaying her thoughts. She felt the sadness, the struggle to come to work and pretend everything was alright. She remembered the violent episodes, each bigger than before. The despair. And she remembered the caring voice.The breath against the skin..
She remembered him standing over her desk. The late evenings, long chats. He understood! She remembered how he seemed to understand her needs, how comfortable she was with him. How she naturally trusted him, how complete she felt with him.
She had both feet over the window sill and one hand was all that made the difference. Her hand trembled at the strain. She wanted to let go, away from the pain. Now her mind had deserted her, reminding her of her pillar of strength. She wished he was here, he would help her. Again, despair welled in her. Could she stand going through this loneliness again? The pain?
A twitch in her shoulder reminded her.. Its time! Its time! let go! Let go of all the pain and be in peace! She closed her eyes and began to sob..

The Morning After

She felt warm sunlight on her face and she stirred. She turned over and felt a hand next to her; she gave a low moan and wiggled over till she could place her head on the crook of the shoulder. She cuddled up to the body, warm and comforting, and she rubbed her cheek on the skin, feeling safe. And fingers began to stroke her hair, and she began to feel the stirring again inside her. As the fingers played with her hair and stroked the back of her neck, she began to yearn for more and the fingers moved slowly but surely down the neck along her spine. She arched her back and pressed herself against the skin as a burning built up inside her. Her eyes still shut, she began to realize that this was not something she was used to, and the skin smelt strangely familiar and yet at the same time, not.
She opened her eyes, and gasped in surprise. Instinctively, she pulled the covers over her and sat up. She relaxed when events of the last night rushed into her stream of consciousness. She realized she was fully clothed, and she began to carefully string her thoughts together.
She remembered the party, and the fight, and her boyfriend had stormed off and left her. She remembered the anger, the throwing herself into the party and letting every bit of the anger go. There were loud music, flashing lights, the exhaustion, and.. the face..
"You were there, weren't you?" she asked.
He had sat up on the corner of the bed. He nodded. He had seen her almost making a fool of herself in the middle of the dance floor and had caught her as she lost her balance. She had been really upset and had broken down into a bundle of shuddering, sobbing nerves in his arms. Not having a place to go, he had taken her to his home, into his bed.
He'd gotten up in the early hours to hear her crying in her sleep, and gotten into bed with her and cradled her till she calmed down. And with her in his arms and soundly asleep, he, too began to roll off into slumber..

Calm before the storm

He got up from his chair and stretched. He walked around his table towards his door. It had been a long morning filled with video conference after another, and frankly, he'd felt tired. Standing up sort of stretched his aching muscles and that made him feel like taking a short stroll.

He opened his door and scanned the sea of cubicles spread out in from of him. As he was about to step out, he caught a familiar figure at one of the cubicles.

She stared intently at her pc screen, typing away. He admired for a moment; she held her head high, and, instead of slouching in her seat like the others, she sat with her back straight and shoulders back. Every once in a while she would cock her head to one side, thinking; and when in paticularly deep thought, she would press her index finger to her bottom lip, sometimes tapping it, and when she found the answer the finger would straighten, and she would nod to herself and continue typing away.

"See something you like?" came a voice next to him. He turned and found his secretary looking at him with a smile at the corner of her mouth. She was a tall elderly woman, greying at the temples who wore her hair pulled back into a bun at the back of her head. She tended to mother him at times, but she was sensible and he didn't mind. He gave an embarrased smile as he realized he was leaning against the door frame, weight on one leg and arms casually crossed.

"The new girl's caught your fancy eh? Everyone's talking about it; thought you should know."

The words took a while to sink in as he watched his secretary walk away. He figured it wouldn't be too difficult for people to figure that out. After all, he did spend more time explaining things to her than to the others.

He'd found her to be more intelligent than the others and she was quick to ask things whenever things were not clear, and her work always came out with a little extra. Because of that he found it worth his time to spend a little more time with her than anyone else, and he'd also begun to look forward to the little exchanges.

Together

Her eyes followed the food as the waiter placed it on the table. She looked up at him, gave a smile of gratitude and let her eyes trail the waiter as he walked away.

She heard him say something above the droning background. It was early evening and the dinner crowds were building up. She ignored him and looked away, as disappointment began to build within her.

She took a deep breath and decided to take a different tack. She turned to face him. "I realized its been a long while since we spent time together..", she began, "..and I thought it be nice to be here together." She swallowed air as she gathered her thoughts. "..But its obvious you have other things on your mind, and I'm not very welcomed here..." her voice trailed off as she felt tears welling up. "..I just wanted to be with you.. and.. maybe you'd want to be with me, too.."

He took her hands and pressed them first to his lips and then against his cheeks. "i'm sorry..I'm sorry," he stammered. He'd had an exhausting week, he said, and its all built up and consumed his mind. He hadn't realized that was all he'd been talking about.

"I want this moment with you to be special, too" he said, "It's not fair that I talk about all this".

He got up and moved over to her side of her table. "From this moment on, lets talk about us".

He put his arm around her waist and leaned back against the seat, resting on her shoulder as she ate. He shifted his focus on her. The glint in his eye soon returned and before long, they were in each other's company once more.

She enjoyed his presence, and as the chattering on the background began to dissipate, so did their voices, until they were merely whispering at each other, interspersed with little kisses and rubbing of cheeks.

Before they even realized it, the waiter came with the check, as the till was closing. As the lights began to dim, they walked out, holding hands and their arms around each other. He felt the burden of the week lift off his shoulders, and her smile was once again curled in the corners of her mouth.

Reluctantly, he shut the car door, and as she wound down the windscreen to say goodbye, he bent down an kissed her. And she pulled his face near and kissed him over and over, until what seemed an eternity.

He stood there as she fired the engine. And he stood there as he watched her disappear into the night.

Healing

He was only vaguely aware of the creaking of the foldaway sofa bed that had become his bed in recent weeks. He slept soundly.

It's been a few weeks since he found her at the hotel. He'd spend the days with her, taking her out, supporting her recovery. Her wounds had healed and the bruises were all but gone. He'd spend late afternoons with her at the park, reading her stories keeping her mind busy. She seemed to be recovering well. Despite that, he found himself realizing that she was not the same person he'd come to love. Since the incident, she'd been staying with him, but although she wasn't avoiding him, she was somewhat distant. He knew that it was probably what she'd been through, but the unrequited longing and missing togetherness began to take its toll on him.

He tossed to his side, trying to forget the thought. He remembered all that he missed; the warm hugs, the kisses. Tender lips on his fingers, smooth soft skin.

He began to drift into sleep, not hearing the click of the door softly closing.
He had drifted into a dream that he felt her climb behind him, her warm body against his. Gentle, soft breathing in his ear, the breath warm. He stirred as he felt her arm wrap around him, soft hands stroking his face and move down his arms.
It wasn't till morning that he awoke in her arms. It wasn't a dream after all.

Loneliness

She let out a long sigh and tried very hard to stifle the sobs beginning to well up in her. She covered her face with her hands and propped it on her elbows. She felt so alone, and in the hotel room, there wasn't very much to comfort her.
She'd run away from home, and checked into this hotel not knowing where else to go. She dared not go home in case that beast of a man would still be lurking around the house.
The bruises have started to heal, but she would break down in tears every time she saw them in the mirror.
And in her hotel room, she felt afraid of going out, so she stayed in the room all day. She did step out the first time, but seeing people down the hall began to frighten her and it became too much for her to bear. Her frightened mind began to imagine each man she saw to be him and her heart would beat so hard out of fear she would not be able to breathe.
At night, she would be engulfed in the loneliness, being in the cold, cold bed alone, wishing for the company of the one person who could make her feel better. He'd been calling a few times and the relief in hearing his voice was far too much for her to bear, and she would hang up in a gush of sobs, unable to say a word. But he had since stopped calling, and bitterness began to fill her.
And she cowered in a corner of the room in fear every time she hears voices outside, trying to conceal her sobs and not make a sound, lest should it be him to come looking once again ready to rain blows on her.
"This is the room, sir" said the manager. He looked nervously at the security guards and at the stranger in front of him. "Once again I wish to remind you that the safety of our guests is of our utmost concern and that it is against our policy to divulge information of our guests"
The stranger looked at the manager and with a tinge of impatience said,"I assure you, that this is genuine, and that it would do your reputation no good if you do not heed me." And he reached out and rang the door bell, and waited.
The doorbell pierced the silence in the room and she dashed into the corner. He's found her! She cowered in the corner, arms around her knees, shaking with fear and rocking herself to and fro to calm herself. She tried to not cry, but the tears blurred her vision as the door bell rang and rang. And she tried very hard to muffle her sobs as she heard the voices outside get more agitated; and she heard the key being turned in the lock and the door straining against the chain. Suddenly the door burst open and she screamed as the light from outside burst in the darkened room, blinding her.
And she did not know how long she screamed as she felt a pair of arms come around her and held her tight, a voice began to form words in her ears.
And she tried to struggle, but to no avail, and she gave up and burst into a torrent of sobs as she realized it was the comforting voice she had been longing for; and those hands, running through her hair and stroking her back, were the warm ones that gave her the comfort when she always needed.
The stranger sat on the floor and cradled her head on his shoulders and stroked her gently as he motioned to the hotel manager and guards away.

Fury

She sat at the edge of the bed, hunched over with her knees to her face. In her arms she cradled her teddy bear, her only companion that knew everything in her heart. She pressed her bear against the tear that rolled down her cheek, the softness on her skin giving her comfort. Painfully, she pulled herself off the bed and staggered to the bathroom. She gave out a wail and crumpled to the floor, shuddering and sobbing when she saw herself in the mirror. She held her teddy bear even harder against her, as if the softness would make the pain go away, and she cried and continued to cry until she could cry no more.
He regularly went away for weeks on end, and every time he'd gone, she'd feel a sense of relief and freedom. He was great company in the beginning but in recent months had been somewhat overbearing. And with his frequent long absence, someone else began to fill her heart, from colleagues to friend, to companion and to lover. And guilt began gnaw at her heart as his occasional presence began to drain her feelings for him.
He had come home unannounced, and screamed for her. He'd been drinking, and amidst the foul stench of his alcohol laden breath he had accused her of cheating him. cheating! She tried to explain, but he cut her off at every pause with a string of abusive names. She cowered in fear knowing that this tempest was the biggest yet, and she soaked the abuse quietly, huddled in the corner of her room hoping that is would pass as always.
This time though, her silence fueled the anger and it exploded into a fury she had never thought possible. She hadn't realized she was screaming as blow against blow came upon her, until everything blacked out, and he stormed out of the house.
She couldn't remember how long it was before she came to, but her vision was blurred and was interspersed with a sensation of a million flashlights going off at once.
Painfully, she dragged herself out of the bathroom, pausing on the floor at the door frame. She recognized bits and pieces of her phone on the floor which she assembled with shaking hands and dialled a now familiar number. The voice that answered comforted her as always and she tried to sound strong to say she needed the day off.
She knew her voice gave her away this time, and he asked,"Are you alright? You don't sound too good,".
She tried to say,"I'm fine", but the moment overwhelmed her as her pain racked body began to shudder and sobs began to take over..

Solace

He parked the car in the basement and spent some time looking for the way into the mall. The size of the crowd bewildered him, and he felt lost trying to look for that familiar face among the sea of faces. He moved slowly, much too slowly; and the flow of people pushed and shoved him till he found himself in the courtyard decorated in many, tiny lights that twinkled like stars, and branched out into different corridors. Amidst the sea of people, he saw her, like a blood red rose in a green sea of weeds, serenity in a sea of chaos, standing there, typing a message on her phone. He walked up to her quietly, blew on her ear and grinned as she gave a startled yelp and whirled around.
“You!!”, she said, her face immediately breaking into a smile, “You spooked me!” He grinned and apologized for the cheekiness and they proceeded to dinner after meeting up the rest of the group. It was a simple affair, a meeting of friends where business was the least important matter. There were four of them, and for the first time in weeks they sat together exchanging jokes and stories. He sat next to her and found himself admiring the way she laughed and how she went through every line in the menu choosing her food. She would look up to the waiter, like a starry eyed little girl and ask all kinds of things with child-like curiosity. And she would dip her finger into every sauce and smack them off her finger with her lips.
As the night progressed, he found his fingers locked in hers on her lap. Occassionally he would find her stroking his hand with her other hand. And other times he would find himself stroking her hand.
Soon enough, dinner was over and after the usual “I’ll pay, no, I’ll pay” each parted company and went their own way, leaving him with her. They chatted a while and walked slowly to the exit. She grew quiet. Her pace slowed down the nearer they got to the exit.
She gripped his fingers in hers, placed her cheek on his arm which she stroked with her free hand. “I’m not ready to let you go,” she said, gripping his fingers even harder. “I havent had enough of you tonite”. He put his arm around her and gave her a tight squeeze.
“ I havent enough of your company either”, he said, as he walked her to her car.
She looked at him wistfully, twirling her car keys absentmindedly as they stood outside the car. He opened the door and let her in, only to get in the other side.
Once he got in, she threw her arms around him and kissed his face and held him tight. He savored the touch of her skin and the smell of her perfume. And they sat there, speaking in whispers, holding hands and in each other’s arms.
Time seemed to stop as they detached themselves from the world and lost themselves in their love, and when they realized how time had passed, the parking lot was deserted save for the cleaning crew beginning their rounds.
He stepped out of the car as she turned her engine, and with a reluctant wave, blowing a kiss towards him, she drove off slowly. He stood there in the dimming lights until she was out of sight; and he begun the long trek to his car, in the deserted basement alone, with the memory of her touch, the smell of her perfume lingering, teasing him of his loneliness.

Curiosity

She had just come back from a discussion and he had walked her over to her office. The elevator door had suddenly opened and people streamed out, and she had turned on her heel and gotten in. It had cut short their goodbyes, and she suddenly remembered how disappointed he had looked. As they were speaking, he had been hesitant; and he had leaned forward, his voice lowering till it was barely a whisper. She wondered if he had wanted to kiss her; but the sudden stream of people coming out of the elevator interrupted the moment and he had pressed a package into her hand and walked away. The package! She had almost forgotten about it.
It was a small white box with no markings whatsoever; and she looked at it, wondering if she should open it. The elevator was packed with people, and she wondered that the fact that he gave it so discreetly meant she should open it in private. She turned the box over and over, wondering what it contained. She sniffed it, but there wasn't any distinctive scent; and she weighed it in her hand and it didn't quite feel very heavy. Her curiosity began to fuel a sense of excitement and her mind began to wander, planting ideas and more ideas of what could be in that box. She put the box into her pocket, and she smiled at herself at all the silly things that may be in that box and patted it.
Back at her desk, she peered out to his room and saw that he still wasn't in. She took out the box and admired it, wondering what may be inside. She traced her finger on the corners of the box and she placed it on her desk. On one instance she wanted to wait until she reached home to open it, then curiosity got the better of her and she wanted to open it immediately. She giggled at herself, feeling somewhat silly at the schoolgirl excitement. She loved getting little gifts like this, and its been a long time since she received one. She again wondered what it was, and held the box against her cheek, imagining him packing little bits of diamonds and gold, kissing each little piece as he placed it into the box. She found the idea immediately silly and she felt silly once again smiling to herself. She wondered for the umpteenth time what in the world he could have gotten her.
Unable to contain herself any longer, with trembling hands she opened it. A little red velvet box, lined with gold thread, lay inside the white cardboard box. She drew it out slowly holding her breath, wondering if it was really what she thought it was. Impossible! She almost didn't want to look at the contents as she lifted the velvety lid with trembling fingers.
She let out a gasp and nearly dropped the box as she covered her mouth in surprise at what lay in the box. She laid it down on her desk and stared at it as she took a deep breath. She suddenly felt cold.
Lying in the tiny box was a string of gold, intertwined with white surrounding a huge red ruby ensconced in diamonds that exploded in a flash of rainbow being next to the ruby. She gingerly took it out and looked at it, speechless. She put it on and looked at herself from her powder compact mirror; even in the tiny mirror, it was gorgeous. She looked up as she heard his room door open, and saw him entering his room and closing the door behind him.
He had just sat in his desk and was stacking the papers on his desk when he heard a knock on his door. "Come in!" he said, without looking up. He heard the door open, and quietly close. Then there was silence. Puzzled, he looked up.
She stood there, her hands behind her against the door, not saying a word. She looked at him, smiling. Her blouse was unbuttoned, save for the lowest, and pulled apart at the shoulders, exposing her chest. And, complementing the sparkling in her eyes, awash in a flaming glow in the center of her chest, was the ruby and diamonds he had gotten her.

Paradise

He sat there in the muggy evening heat, casting his eyes in the shadows of the setting sun. In the golden light, the rolling thunderclouds seemed lower than usual, almost tinged with green. Everything was still, and there was not a single sound other than the rush of water over the rocks of a nearby stream. He was tired, and the soothing rush of water began to lull his senses.

She came by, smiled and sat down next to him, clutching a small notebook in hand. She was new, but he had this sense of familiarity with her. He spent a little more time with her than the other employees, and she responded favorably and he began to look forward to these moments when she would seek him out in private and learn as much as she can from him.

They were at a company sponsored outing, and the rolling thunderclouds necessitated a change in plans from outdoor barbecue to indoor buffet. It offered him a brief respite from the day's proceedings.

They spoke about work for a while and the conversation then turned to about themselves. The growing shadows and the calming sounds of the stream relaxed them. He took her hand, and gently ushered her over, and was pleasantly surprised when ahe did not object. Their voices turned to whispers, which drew them even closer. Then, she put her head on his shoulder and he swung his arm around her and held her close, stroking her side as they spoke. He kissed her cheek, and seeing she did not mind, sat up and turned to look at her. He studied her face for a moment and stroked her cheek. He leaned forward to kiss her on the lips,but she turned her face away.

"Please, no", she said, placing her finger on his lips.

He pulled her even closer and stroked her hair. He tried to kiss her again, but this time she didn't object. She let out a gasp when their lips touched; her lips parted easily to take his tongue. He felt the softness of her lips on his and in that moment,he lost all sense of himself and drowned himself in the moment.He kissed her over and over savoring every kiss, feeling her breath on his face, hot and moist. Her every moan as he stroked her back with long, broad strokes submerged him deeper into the moment.

A sudden thunderclap knocked him into his senses and he suddenly sat upright, realizing how far he'd gone with her. She looked away from him, biting her lower lip. He touched her face. "Are you ok?", he asked.
"yeah," she replied, still looking away."I've been wondering what's its like to kiss you for so long now,... I.. I know now.."
He pulled her close to him and kissed her one last time. "Hush.. shh.. Its ok..Please don't feel bad. I really.. I shouldn't have.."

She weakly pushed him away and sat upright facing away from him never once looking at him. He felt perplexed.He hard not meant to go so fur, but his desire for her had taken over him. He stood up and held her shoulders and looked into her eyes. He resisted the urge to kiss her again and instead wiped the little tear drops beginning to form in the corners of her eyes.
"I'm really sorry", he said. "I really like you a lot. And sometimes when I'm with you, I don't quite know how to control my self.I dont want to hurt you.I just need to know that you're ok."
"I'd better go," she said, and walked away.
In the waning light, he stood there and watched as her figure disappeared into the shadows.

Darkness

He sat up in his bed, yet again after countless nights. He rubbed his sleep deprived eyes and squinted in the dark. He heard the faint barking of dogs and the distant roar of the midnight racers, and he got up, looked out the window and stretched. He took a deep breath that filled his lungs to the brim and let it out slowly. He was tired, but yet again, sleep eluded him.
He walked out to the living room, found his pc and fired it up. As he'd always done in recent weeks, he'd get tired of trying to sleep and check his many e-mail accounts, social sites for that message. This time he knew already that each account would be filled with nothing but spam, and the particular message he'd look for would still not be there. He saw the numbers of new mail begin to climb, but he didn't really pay attention since he knew that it wouldn't be any more than discount drug offers, friend requests and fake order confirmations.
He was about to close the lid of his notebook pc when in the corner of his eye, he caught her name amongst the list of senders. His heart began to beat harder when he realized that she had finally replied to all his tweets and e- mails. His mind went back to the moment when he felt her breath on his neck, the touch of her hand on his skin; how her warm flesh felt against him. And he had taken her in his arms, her body warm and soft against his, and she had suddenly pushed him away just as he began to savor the moment and realized that as much as he wanted her, she felt the same. He quickly opened the mail, and almost immediately his heart began to sink as he read what she had written.
"Dearest", she said, "I dont know how to say this to you. From the moment we met, there was something about you that attracted me to you. And even though I realize that we are colleagues, I have always looked forward to spending time with you. Every moment, no matter how small, every touch, no matter how fleeting, gives me a feeling of completeness that I have never felt before. Every time I set foot here, I look forward to spending the day with you. And from every goodbye till the next hello, I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness, like a part of me has been ripped off and taken away. And it continues like that until the next moment when I see you again, and every burden I have is forgotten, every fear resolved until the next goodbye. And this desire to be with you has passed beyond all boundaries of reason, and when I am with you, I no longer can control my every desire to be with you. I long to feel your every touch, the warmth of your flesh, the smell of your skin, the feel of your breath, and the taste of your lips. And I've let you on into thinking that this can last forever, but it cannot, because you are not mine, and neither is my heart yours to have. I cannot anymore face this contradiction, I have nothing but guilt for the man who holds my heart. My life has never felt so complete with you by my side, yet the truth is that just as you belong to someone else, so do I. This cannot last forever, and I'd rather hurt you now than to hurt you when its too late."

He felt a quiver in his chest as dismay filled his heart. He fought the welling of emotion as he buried his face in his hands.

She continued," Dearest, I want you to know that I love you. I've loved you all this while, I love you now, and I will always love you. You brought me light when there is darkness, you brought me warmth when there is cold; and you are the shelter when there is rain. This turmoil in my heart can only tear us apart, so please understand, its only better that we end it this way. "

"Farewell, my love, may sunshine remind you of our love"

Desire

These days things had been just as crazy at the office as it always had been, but he faced them with with fervor. Since the episode at the lift, he had a spring in his step; and he'd been looking forward to seeing her. Her weekend trip had extended to mid- week, and in the rush to catch up what's behind, they've had few if not little opportunity to meet.

In the intervening days, he'd had urgent assignments that's kept him busy punching the keyboard at his desk or locked away in meetings elsewhere. Not being able to see her in person, he'd resorted to sending smileys and text messages despite not getting any replies.

Until today. They'd met at the cafeteria at the end of the workday by chance and decided to sit together. He once again relaxed in her company and they chatted about the trip, the things that needed to be done and all. Things went silent for a moment when he suddenly said,"I've missed you..". She looked away from his gaze, down to her mug of hot
chocolate. Her finger tracing the rim of her mug, she whispered quietly, "I missed u too."

"I wish we could be alone," he said, wistfully.

She suddenly looked up, looked around and changed the topic. He guessed that she'd probably not want to talk about it so he let it be. He suddenly regretted sending all those text messages and felt rather silly to keep sending them even though she
had not replied.

They spoke about work a bit more, then packed up and walked back silently to their office. It was past closing time, and the office was deserted.

She had followed him to his office, and stood at the door as he sat down and turned his attention to the computer screen. He had muttered something about having to finish his report and heard her say something in response, heard the door click and assumed that she'd left him to his work.

As he focused on the screen, he felt someone come near. Her breath was hot, measured and heavy in his ear. She placed her hand over his knuckles and curled her fingers below, against his palm. Instinctively he tightened his fingers around hers, fighting the sudden rush in his chest as he felt her lips behind his ear. He held his breath, straightened up and arched his back, the desire beginning to burn as she stoked it with soft, warm kisses, alternating with gentle nibbling of his ear, and brushing of her lips just behind his ear, and down his neck.

He turned his seat around and stood up to face her. He pressed his lips againsts hers, feeling it soft and warm as he stroked her back. She pressed her body against his, her fingers in his hair and stroking his face, as she rubbed her body against him. He stroked her ear with his tongue, rolling her earring in his mouth and kissed her neck, her breath heavy in his ears as he ran his fingers from her ear, down her neck, tracing her collar bone to the button on her blouse. There she caught his finger and pushed herself away.

Surprised, he stood there, wondering if he'd read her wrong. She turned away from his gaze, tears welling in her eyes. "I'm sorry.. I..I.. didn't mean to..", she said, looking away. Then she turned away and hurried out of his office.

meeting

It was one of those mornings where waking up took more effort than usual. He had hardly noticed falling asleep, and the alarm clock jarred him awake without him even realizing that he had fallen asleep. The drive to work was far busier than usual, slow cars and meandering bikes getting in the way of a smooth journey. Putting on the parking brake, he took a deep breath and stretched in his seat, relieved that the trip was over. He looked in dismay at the clock. It was 5 past the hour, and she had most probably left.
He thumped the steering wheel in frustration, got out and slammed the door. He hung over the door, elbows on the roof. And he took a deep breath, gathered himself and walked to the lift.
Just as his luck had been, the lift chose to stop at every single floor. He looked at the watch on his wrist over and over, wishing that things would speed up. He breathed a Sigh of relief as the elevator chimed at his floor.
The door parted, and there she stood, trolley suitcase in tow as she stepped into the lift. She gave a surprised gasp as she saw him.
"Hi!" she said as they both squeezed past each other at the lift door.
He stood straddling the lift doorway as she pressed the lift button to hold the door open.
They exchanged pleasantries for a while, being formal colleagues. He fought the urge to throw his arms around her. There was an awkward silence as both ran out of things to say.
He reached out and touched her arms and quickly withdrew as he saw her eyes look around in case someone was watching. He looked down to the floor and struggled to say how he was feeling.
"I'm glad I caught you," she said, as if reading his mind,"I'm gonna miss you this weekend." She took his hand and gave a squeeze. "You take care of yourself".
He wanted to respond with a "sure, you too!" and his trademark grin but it stuck in his throat when he looked up into her eyes. Tears were beginning to form in the corner of her eyes. He pulled her near and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "I'm gonna miss you, too," he whispered into her ear, "a lot." He stepped back, held her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I love you".
He stepped away from the lift and watched as the door close in front of him.He took a deep breath, composed himself, turned on his heel and walked towards his office as his mobile phone buzzed with an incoming message.
"I love you too, sayang. I always have."

Longing

She was engaged in discussion so she did not see him come in. He saw her from the corner of his eye, but he stole a quick look and walked on to his party of guests. After the cursory introductions, he stood his place amongst his guests so he could have a clear view of her. And it remained that way until he saw her shaking hands and saying her goodbyes that he, too, began to take his leave.
He walked quickly, not too quickly to attract notice, until he caught up with her and slowed his pace to match hers. She turned to face him in surprise, and he gave her a quick smile. "hi!" she said," fancy seeing you here!"
He wanted to throw her a hug, but checked himself when he remembered that he was in a public place. He placed his hand on her elbow, ran it down her arm to her hand, locked fingers and said," The Hilton, Room 318, 730 pm." He gave her hand a quick squeeze, and disappeared into the crowd.
She could only manage a gasp before she lost sight of him. She stood there, craning her neck in case she might still see him. She put her hand to her face and remembered how warm his hand was in hers, and, like a drop of water on a hot surface, the memory of it was fading away.
Much later in the day, as she was leaving, she walked to the elevators, her mind on what he had said. The elevator door opened, and to her surprise, there he was, leaving, too. His eyes lit up when he saw her; and the moment the doors closed, she threw her arms around him, holding him tightly, pressing her lips against his in a long, drawn kiss, running her fingers on the sides of his face, running them through his hair.
She had longed to have him alone, and in this short moment, he was hers, and that was all that was in her mind.

A breakfast to start the day

"can i join you?", he asked, cradling his pc, writing pad and lunch box.
She looked up at him in surprise. "sure!" she said, and quickly moved her cereal and fruit yogurt aside. "having breakfast here for a change?"
He grinned. He'd always munch down his breakfast at his desk, but with the papers, files and reports sprawled across his desk, he needed a clear space. And a friendly face, too, he thought cheekily to himself.
Being with her, he began to relax as they chatted over breakfast. And he began to notice that she did not pack her cereal off the shelf. She brought her own cereal in a little tub, which she scooped into a smaller cup. She opened a little plastic cup and poured its creamy contents into her bowl, scraping the insides of the cup with her spoon. Then she fished out from the little paper bag next to her a little tub of raisins, which she scooped out with her tea spoon, onto the palm of her hand and sprinkled it with aplomb over the cereal. Then she would swirl the teaspoon to mix the cereal, wipe the yogurt on the sides of the tub with her fingers, lick them off and smacked her lips together.
She'd dangle her spoon in front of her lips as she spoke, feeding little mouthfuls in between conversations. Sometimes, when thinking, reflecting, she'd cock her head to one side, spoon pointed upwards as she rocked her crossed knees from side to side.
He found himself looking at her more than eating his chopped apples. He propped his chin on one elbow, leaning towards her as they conversed, sharing jokes and giggling like two teenagers on an outing.
Having finished their breakfast and packed their boxes together, she found a bit of yogurt on her fingers. She held those fingers in front of her while she looked for her tissues, and instinctively, he leaned over and kissed the yogurt off her fingers.
There was a stunned silence as he realized what he had done; and as he stammered with something to say, she gave a cheeky smile, playfully pinched his nose and walked off.

A friend indeed

He wanted to call her name, but it wasn't wise to do so and he checked himself.
The idea was outlandish, but he decided to do it just the same. Now, standing in the corner, watching her, he wasn't too sure.
She was pacing in front of the entrance at the top most step. She had her phone to her ear and she spoke pointedly into the phone as she paced, to the edge of the landing, turning on her heel, walking back to the door and stopping to make her point heard. Many times she stopped and stared at the floor, shoulders hunched ; eyes weary as she listened to the voice in the phone.
He waited till she ended her call looking like she was about to throw the phone in exasperation when she hesitated, put one arm around herself, looked down and covered her eyes with her other hand.
He took a deep breath and strode towards her. She dropped her hand from her face, startled, as she saw him approach the bottom step. Her mouth opened to say something, but didn't when he waved at her and brought his index finger to his lips.
"Let's go," he said. "C'mon".
"What are you doing here?" she asked; but he ignored that. He offered her his hand, arm outstretched and gently pulled her close as she took his hand. He wrapped his arm around her, kissed her forehead and stroked her back till he felt her calm down and relax. And feeling secure in his arms, her strength and fortitude melted; and she began to cry beginning with little sniffles that soon became shuddering sobs on his shoulders.
He held her tightly, letting every single emotion tide and ebb in his arms.
He set her down on the steps and sat next to her. He brushed away the tears with his thumb and stroked her cheeks.
She couldn't go with him, so he sat next to her holding her hand watching the sun set.
And he sat there quietly, not saying a word until she began to recount the events of the day.