Sunrise

He woke with a start to find the sun high in the sky and the light blinding him, his eyes screaming in pain. His head pounded. He felt numbed with pain, every muscle stiff. He became aware of the disheveled bedsheets, pillows strewn across the room. He was naked, save for a twisted strand of blanket across his thigh.
Head pounding even more, he propped himself up and pushed his feet off the bed. The room now started to spin as the blood rushed off his head. He struggled to remember what had happened.
His wedding party began to reconstruct in his mind. He remembered the sea of faces, smiling, laughing, bearing congratulatory wishes and gifts. Flashbulbs were incessantly popping, blinding him and creating a paparazzi trail as they followed his every move. He was weary, and he propped himself against the door frame to keep from falling as the stream of well wishers passed him, each offering the customary handshake. He vaguely remembered trying to keep his balance as he carried her across the threshold giggling and laughing.
Cold water on his face revived him. He felt stinging pain on his back as the water from the shower hit him. He stood with his back to the mirror and craned his head. To his horror, he found deep parallel lines on his back. He recalled the sudden pain he felt as she dug her fingernails onto his back. It had shocked him, and it killed his passion; It had made her scream in seeming frustration, expletive laden fury.
She had an insatiable lust. She was a wild animal that mercilessly chased its prey, tearing flesh bit by bit, enjoying the suffering as limbs were ripped off in an explosion of blood and flesh. And she had clawed him scratched him, slammed her pelvis against him till he felt no pleasure and no more pain; her forearm across his throat had choked him till really thought he was going to die. The struggle turned her on, and it fueled her passion beyond his imagination belying her demure exterior.
He couldn't remember much of what happened next, only in bits an pieces of her pounding-herself on his body, clawing him, tearing at his hair, biting on his flesh. He vaguely remembered her screaming at him, calling him a useless piece of meat, disappointed that he let her down and unsatisfied.
The bruising on his neck made him wonder if he had passed out. Painfully, he began to wonder the madness in him to marry this woman, the daughter of the richest of the rich; He had entered in to the kingdom of the kingmaker, and if he had ever naively thought of being the next maker of kings, the reality is that he was more likely the fodder of slaves.

the beginning of the end

Dearest,
I guess this note should have been written a while ago. In any case, anytime is a good time; there need not be a time to say the things that need to be said.

How time files. In a space of a short while so many things can happen, and events in our lives take a new meaning. When our paths first crossed, little could anyone foresee that the future that is now could so startlingly change. The first time we met, everything seemed forever; nothing could ever get in the way; our future, eternity. Little did we know that the happiness we sought is fleeting evanescence; like mists in the morning, bubbles in the streams, with all things, nothing is forever.

I would never have believed that our lives would be what they are today. Yet, at the same time, I can only say that what we have can never last, and what is wrong remains wrong, no matter how much we bend the rules to make it right. And as every day pass, we lie to ourselves that this is what we want, that this is what we will carry and this is the way it should be. But the truth prevails, that what we have is wrong; and we hurt the ones we love by carrying on the life we want to lead.

With this note, our lives have forever changed. Indeed, our lives changed irreparably even when we met. We had dreams, but I stand to believe that we both know that the dreams can never be true. But change, no matter how painful needs to happen to better our meaningless lives. We cannot go on living this lie.

We need each other so much in this life. No matter how much difference you make in my life, I cannot continue being part of yours. What you want I can no longer give, and what you have I no longer wish for. May you pursue your dreams without me, the weight that drags and continue to drag you down. While for me without you there remains nothing, and everything that I have today will no longer be mine; but the breath that I take is still the fodder for which I live. And I sincerely hope that without me you will find the means to fly, higher than before without the burden of what society expects from us, without the burden of keeping what society must not know.

When we first met, there was the light of the dawn, but many years on, the lights have turned to darkness and the burning has become glowing embers that become, slowly but surely, cold, dark ash.

Farewell dearest. May tomorrow be a new dawn. May the darkness that has prevailed be lifted with the rise of the new sun.

*****
He read and re- read the note in front of him. He'd drafted and re-drafted too many times already. In the bottom of his heart, he felt sure, yet, a tinge of doubt still prevailed. Should he?
He hit the "save" button as he had done many times before. He thought of the time he first met her, and smiled at the memory. His memory turned to how that everything he now owned, everything he lived for, was because of his marriage. He took a deep breath and hit "print". As he read his note a final time, he realized that he cannot go on. He signed the letter, sealed it in an envelope; green, her favorite color.
He grabbed his bags by the door, the only things that were his and placed the envelope on her pillow.

He paused for a moment as he stepped out of his house, feeling the morning sun on his face. The morning felt especially bright. He felt free.

Miss you like Crazy

He sat next to her, and sat quietly as he watched her type away on the keyboard. He said nothing, but quietly watched her fingers fly across the keyboard, as the cursor swept across the monitor forming letters that became words that became sentences.
He admired how she sat upright, elbows tight on her sides, her body unmoving. And as he reached out his arm and curled it around her waist, she turned her head ever so slightly, looked at him from the corner of her eye, tilted her head and curled an approving smile from the corners of her mouth. And he curled his arm even tighter, pulling him close to her, filling his senses with the smell of her perfume.
The click of the door brought him into the present, and he found himself staring at a blank document page on his notebook pc. Once again, he gave himself a long sigh. It was only half a day since. He wondered how longer it would take for the long weekend to pass by. It already felt like a lifetime, and it would be two lifetimes more before he would see her again.
He ran the tips of his two longest fingers on his keyboard, tracing the edge of his computer. He remembered how her fingers, traced the edges of her computer as they conversed. Her pinky and thumb straight out, middle finger slightly curled to match the index; ring finger curled, showing off the diamond studded petals on her ring. He remembered lifting the two fingers by their tips, stroking them ever so lightly with his thumb, as she watched till he placed them on his lips.
“Are you ok?” his secretary asked, yanking him back into the present. She reeled off his appointments for the day, wrote down all the instructions and walked off, leaving him alone again with his thoughts.
This new girl in his department had been occupying his thoughts quite a bit of late. She had been an avid learner and spent late evenings at his office. He had grown quite fond of her company and really looked forward to evenings with her. He was very much at a loss now. He’d sent her outstation for three days, but today missed her presence.
He fired up the company portal and searched for her name. He felt the sudden rush of excitement as the computer returned her status “on line”. Should he send a message to her? Would she think that he didn’t trust her to do a good job and had to keep an eye on her? The paranoia bemused him for a while; he was the boss, for god’s sake, and it’s his right to check upon the progress of his crew.
He opened the message window and pondered over his message. He typed “hello”. Perhaps that was too informal. He deleted that and typed a longer introduction. Too long. Too formal. He typed and re-typed, each time balking at the idea of making friendly conversation. Finally, he typed “Hi. Just wondering how you’re coping.” He took a deep breath, and hit “Return” to send it. Almost immediately the message window showed a reply being written.
“Boy, that was one long message,” came the reply.
“What do you mean? “ he asked.
“Well, you sent me a blank message, and just as I was about to ask, I saw that you were typing, and typing, and typing, and I kinda wondered what kind of trouble I’m in. For twenty minutes I saw you typing. I was really expecting some memo. ”
“Well, I had to be sure that I chose the right words carefully, you know, this being your first time out on your own.” He replied. “Wouldn’t do to discourage you at this point.”
And he could imagine that cheeky smile he had become so fond of when he read her reply. “Yeah, right. Like I don’t know you miss me. :)”

Shattered Expectations

She sat in front of the mirror, turned her head slightly and admired the make up. She tied her hair and braided at the top of her head, gathering them and letting them fall behind her head, showing off her smooth long neck. She wore long earrings and matching pendant that further accentuated her neck and an off shoulder Versace that made her feel like Venus. She imagined how he would look at her when they finally meet. He would stop in his tracks, take her hands in his, take a step back and look her over from top to bottom and fix his gaze on her neck, and on her breasts. She knew then that he would then bring her hands to his mouth, kiss them and let them go, and pull her close to him to plant a kiss on her lips. She shivered in excitement as she imagined his hand on her lower back, pulling her near as he cocked his head to one side to kiss her...
The phone buzzed with a text message.
"Chairman has called for an emergency meeting..." it said as despair filled her, "... not going to make it tonight..."
Her shoulders drooped forwards. She had been looking forward to this evening for many days now. Disappointed, she undid her hair, yanked off the earrings in a huff. She scrubbed off the make up and tousled her hair. Tears of disappointment welled up in her as she flung her dress across the room and threw herself on the bed and sobbed herself to sleep.
****
Incessant ringing. She wearily reached to her phone next to her and saw the same familiar number through tear-stained eyes. It was night now, and the room was dark. On the backlit display, she saw a long list of missed calls, voice messages, and text messages.
Yet again, she let the phone ring till it ended.
She dragged herself to the bath room and ran the tap with water. In the mirror, her hair was disheveled, eyes puffy and mascara stained. As she splashed cold water on her face, she became aware of knocking on her front door.
Through the peephole, she saw him standing there. She quickly grabbed a towel, undid the chain on the door and opened it wide. He stood there, worried look on his face, jacket bundled on his arm; the top collar button of his crumpled shirt undone and tie loosened half way down his front, cuffs on his sleeves folded back. He ran a tired hand through his hair.
"Baby", he said,"Are you ok? I won't know if you don't answer the phone."
"I thought you weren't going to come," she said.
" I really wanna see you" he said, looking down to the floor,"and I promised you I was gonna come, no matter what. I'm sorry it's a little late, but everything's done, I'm here and I'm yours tonight."
Without a word, she pulled him through the door, slammed it shut, and as the towel slipped to the floor she pulled him close and planted the long, long kiss she had so long imagined.

Moonlight

It was a cloudless night, where the stars were sprinkled across the sky like tiny diamonds. The moon, round and yellow, was bright in the hazy night, so bright, a dark halo formed behind it. Underneath, the sea shimmered in silvery streaks, reflecting the moonlight that threw itself across the sea.
He trudged on the sand, slipping and sliding towards the sea. Dressed in a dark shirt, he walked furtively, afraid that someone will see him in the moonlight. He felt the breeze on his face, and as much as he loved the smell of the sea, tonight he wasn't quite sure if what he was doing was a good idea.
She walked a few paces ahead of him, in a gleeful half run, like a child seing the sea for the first time. She had found a spot to sit down by the time he caught up. He stood over her for a moment as she faced upwards, eyes shut, smile on her face feeling the sea breeze on her face as she shook her hair, almost letting the breeze pass through every single strand. When she realized him standing over her, she opened her eyes, and flashing that beautiful smile that always captivated him, motioned for him to sit down next to her.
She sat on a small rock knees huddled together, facing the sea . He sat next to her, shoulders touching. He wasn't used to being this close to her, but caressed by the sea breeze and lulled by the lapping waves, he soon relaxed. The wind brought to his senses her nearness, and in the wind was the smell of her skin, adulterated by a tinge of long dried out perfume. It wasn't long before he reached his hand under his knees towards her and found her hand, waiting for his. They locked fingers together, thumb stroking hand, looking out to sea. As the night went on, conversation began to wind down, and as pauses became silence, they began to enjoy the sea breeze, and look at the stars in the cloudless night. They spoke in whispers, him whispering in her ear. In the midst of the whispers, he would steal a kiss on her cheek, and she would pull his hand, almost as if wanting him closer. She found her head comfortably on his shoulder, the warmth of his side on hers, and his hand, warm in her palms, gently stroking her hand. With his other hand he cupped her hands, and slowly began to move up her forearm in slow strokes, in time with the swaying waves. And as she did not resist, and as the stroking of her thumb began to follow in time with his hand, he moved his stroking to her leg, caressing it slowly to her knees. He realized then as his hand moved past the knee to her thigh, her breathing became slower til it followed the rhythm of his hand; her breath, now labored, was hot on his face. He turned to face her and found her looking steadily at him, and he had no chance to resist as she pulled his face to hers and kissed him hard on his lips. She had clamped her legs on his stroking hand, and she clawed her hands in his hair and she kissed him over and over, each kiss accompanied by a shuddering of her body pressed hard against him. Falling to the sand, he had found his hand under her shirt and on the smooth silky skin of her back; pressing her onto him as hard as he can he let her body release every single ounce of pleasure, while she ravaged his face with hungry kisses.
It wasn't till she stopped, her energy spent, that he let go of her. There they lay on the sand, she panting heavily into his ear as they both drifted into slumber, in the light of the moon; two bodies spent of their energies, like the calm after a storm, caressed by the gentle breeze and accompanied by the rhythm of the sea.

The awakening

hissss..... click... hiss... click.
The hissing and clicking continued. Hiss.. click... There was bright, blinding light. Shadowy figures. hiss... click... The shadowy figures went about their business, and the lack of focus lulled her into darkness again.
Hiss.. click..
Her eyes adjusted to the light. Not so blinding now. The shadowy figures continued to move around, unpertubed by her presence. She tried to get attention, but her hands were like lead. She wanted to call out to the figures, but she couldn't find her voice. She became aware of something heavy dragging her jaw. She ran a rubbery tongue on her lips and realized a thick, hard tube pinching her lip against one of her teeth, at the corner of her mouth. She became more aware now, and the shadowy figures began taking color. They were dressed in blue, some faces covered in masks as they went about their business. She tried hard to remember where she was, but she felt drained. She was alive, yes, but oddly she felt detached from the rest of her. She could feel herself raising her hand, yet it did not appear in front of her face; and that hiss, followed by the click. What was it?
She began to feel painfully aware of her surroundings. She realized now that there were people around her, looking at her. She began to recognize some of them, but as the awareness began to flood her consciousness, she realized a familiar face missing. She scanned the room with her eyes, as far as she could, but it wasn't there.
Sadness began to well inside her as she realized that he wasn't there. Tears began to blur her vision as the memories began to surface. She remembered being afraid, wishing and waiting for that comforting voice, that warm smile, that look that told her she was not alone. She remembered the comfort she felt as he held her against him, stroking her back slowly, breathing in unison as he whispered slowly in her ears.
And she remembered how she fought back the tears when they couldn't wait for him any longer, and wheeled her into the operating theater, her eyes fixed on the door of her room almost wishing that he would come through the door after her.
And now, as she realized that the surgery was over, her vision began to blur as her tears once again welled up in her eyes. Not for the relief that its over, but that she hadn't had the chance to see him, and now, he isn't there to tell her its over. Almost as if to mock her, she began to become aware of a dull throbbing sensation, building into searing pain as her body began to accommodate the awareness now flooding her consciousness.

Caress

It was another of those stuffy company dinners, which he had long grown tired of. But he had to attend, as much as he disliked it, he had to pretend that he fully enjoyed it. And he had to pretend to be in love with this woman next to him, the very reason he became the symbol of success, but also the very reason for the tiresome night.
In public they were a very much adoring couple, they held hands, they stared into each other's eyes, but deep in each other's hearts, were hatred and pure dislike.
As the entertainment began and proceeded in front of him, he continued with this pretense of enjoyment; he rolled his head in laughter, clapped his hands in perfect glee; and he looked sideways at his wife, as if sharing the mirth.
The he saw her, across from his table, cupping her mouth with both hands as she laughed, head thrown back in glee. She was a picture of happiness. Her hair cropped short, short and shiny held in place with a diamante tiara, her smooth long neck accentuated by shoulder dusters hanging from her ears. She wore a silk versace dress that hung from her shoulders exposing the smooth white skin that ran down her long straight back.
He remembered stroking that neck, kissing it, each kiss moving lower down her neck as he undid her back of her dress; and how from playfully pushing him away, she began to let him continue, holding her breath as she struggled to contain the pleasure of every kiss. He remembered how she had held the tips of his fingers, caressing them softly, drawing his fingers to the mouth as she began to kiss each of his fingers. He remembered the warmth of her mouth, the fullness of her lips, and how he pushed back her hair from her forehead, dampened with sweat afterwards. Reluctantly she had gathered her dress together, covering herself as she pulled herself up from the sofa.
He smiled to himself as he remembered the smell of her skin, the scent on her perfume on his hands, the warmth of her body against his.
"What are you smiling about?" an icy voice broke his thoughts as his wife saw the dreamy gaze and the knowing smile.