The window

She stared at the ground below her. Momentarily, she felt amazed at how much smaller things looked, even though it was just the window of the fifth floor. A soft breeze on her skin made her skin taut, the nervousness giving her a chill.
She became aware of her heart pounding as her eyes focused on an imaginary point on the sidewalk. That point, she thought would be where she would touch the ground first. She imagined herself in slow motion, rushing down to that point, feeling the air against her skin,her senses awry trying to fight the feeling of weightlessness. She'd hit the ground almost flat, her skull crunching against that point. She'd feel a sharp pain momentarily before she would pass out, a flash of light in her eyes, before eternal darkness.
Would her life flash before her eyes? She wondered. If it did, would she regret stepping off the window? She closed her eyes,and felt the metal window frame against her skin. Her senses, fully charged up at the tension, were extra sensitive. The warm air around her felt chilled against her skin. Her ears picked up voices of people going about their daily lives across the street and she smelt the wafting scent of a nearby barbecue.
Her mind flashed back to a fancy restaurant. Grilled lamb rack. Taken aback at the size.Someone getting angry for ordering that. Getting up in a huff, dragged by the hand.Yelled at all the way to the car. Screaming, yelling.The back of the hand..
Tears began to well in her as she recollected this. The lonely crying in the bathroom.The sad look on his face as he came to. The apologies, regrets, all lies until the next flare up.
She opened her eyes again, and watched as a tear rolled off her nose and down to the sidewalk.
Follow that,.. she said.She imagined her tear hitting the sidewalk and smashing into smithereens, not a trace, nothing left. Just like her feelings for him. Nothing left. No more apologies, no more regrets.
She took a deep breath. Its time. But her mind was not done replaying her thoughts. She felt the sadness, the struggle to come to work and pretend everything was alright. She remembered the violent episodes, each bigger than before. The despair. And she remembered the caring voice.The breath against the skin..
She remembered him standing over her desk. The late evenings, long chats. He understood! She remembered how he seemed to understand her needs, how comfortable she was with him. How she naturally trusted him, how complete she felt with him.
She had both feet over the window sill and one hand was all that made the difference. Her hand trembled at the strain. She wanted to let go, away from the pain. Now her mind had deserted her, reminding her of her pillar of strength. She wished he was here, he would help her. Again, despair welled in her. Could she stand going through this loneliness again? The pain?
A twitch in her shoulder reminded her.. Its time! Its time! let go! Let go of all the pain and be in peace! She closed her eyes and began to sob..