the beginning of the end

Dearest,
I guess this note should have been written a while ago. In any case, anytime is a good time; there need not be a time to say the things that need to be said.

How time files. In a space of a short while so many things can happen, and events in our lives take a new meaning. When our paths first crossed, little could anyone foresee that the future that is now could so startlingly change. The first time we met, everything seemed forever; nothing could ever get in the way; our future, eternity. Little did we know that the happiness we sought is fleeting evanescence; like mists in the morning, bubbles in the streams, with all things, nothing is forever.

I would never have believed that our lives would be what they are today. Yet, at the same time, I can only say that what we have can never last, and what is wrong remains wrong, no matter how much we bend the rules to make it right. And as every day pass, we lie to ourselves that this is what we want, that this is what we will carry and this is the way it should be. But the truth prevails, that what we have is wrong; and we hurt the ones we love by carrying on the life we want to lead.

With this note, our lives have forever changed. Indeed, our lives changed irreparably even when we met. We had dreams, but I stand to believe that we both know that the dreams can never be true. But change, no matter how painful needs to happen to better our meaningless lives. We cannot go on living this lie.

We need each other so much in this life. No matter how much difference you make in my life, I cannot continue being part of yours. What you want I can no longer give, and what you have I no longer wish for. May you pursue your dreams without me, the weight that drags and continue to drag you down. While for me without you there remains nothing, and everything that I have today will no longer be mine; but the breath that I take is still the fodder for which I live. And I sincerely hope that without me you will find the means to fly, higher than before without the burden of what society expects from us, without the burden of keeping what society must not know.

When we first met, there was the light of the dawn, but many years on, the lights have turned to darkness and the burning has become glowing embers that become, slowly but surely, cold, dark ash.

Farewell dearest. May tomorrow be a new dawn. May the darkness that has prevailed be lifted with the rise of the new sun.

*****
He read and re- read the note in front of him. He'd drafted and re-drafted too many times already. In the bottom of his heart, he felt sure, yet, a tinge of doubt still prevailed. Should he?
He hit the "save" button as he had done many times before. He thought of the time he first met her, and smiled at the memory. His memory turned to how that everything he now owned, everything he lived for, was because of his marriage. He took a deep breath and hit "print". As he read his note a final time, he realized that he cannot go on. He signed the letter, sealed it in an envelope; green, her favorite color.
He grabbed his bags by the door, the only things that were his and placed the envelope on her pillow.

He paused for a moment as he stepped out of his house, feeling the morning sun on his face. The morning felt especially bright. He felt free.